This is what growing up feels like.

This post is kind of a continuation of my last post, entitled Closure. Now that I'm back from China, the process of closure has really started. I'm working on (and stressing about) the pre-selection kit exercise for my RMIT architecture application, yesterday I had the most elaborate birthday party I've ever had (a simple picnic - I never celebrate my birthday really), and I can't stop the tears when my mind latches on to the thought of the day that I will be driven to the airport for my one way Jetstar/Tiger ticket to Melbourne.

Despite this year not having any predefined formal structure (e.g. semesters and holidays), in hindsight, I can easily categorise the timeline of the nine-and-a-half months of 2014 that have passed.

January - I was in the second half of my big trip to Europe.

February - Job-hunting, feeling motivated.

March - Fundraising job for the environmental charity.

April to May - Job-hunting, feeling very disheartened and desperate.

May to August - My current sales/admin job at the company.

August to Sept - Holiday, went to China.

Sept to Oct - Death row (closing things up, tying up loose ends, writing my will, preparing to move).

Before I left for China, I gave my boss a tentative last day of work, and I will have to confirm it for her by this Friday. I have a specific date in mind that I want to fly down, but I have only made is public to one person and I am dreading telling my family. I thought the guilty feeling of taking a long trip or moving away from your family was just me, but I was, in a way, comforted to see that a lot of other people on Google feel the same way.

The two weeks that I spent in China felt like so long, but they were really good. It's felt like so long since I've been to work, and I am not hugely dreading going back, but I am far from excited. I am hoping these last three weeks of work will fly by. But even so, I will be very sad to leave, I think.