Square one

This was in my drafts from 19th April, 2014. It's quite relevant to how I'm feeling now, and it seems like a good way to kick things back off here...

Quite obviously, it has been pretty much f u c k ing ages since this blog was in use. My interest in blogging quite simply faded in favour for the micro-blogging-one-touch convenience of tumblr, and for about two years, I truly thought my "proper blog"-ing days were over. "Proper blogging", by which I mean thinking and writing and trying to come up with my own visual material rather than quick, angsty rants and the occasional Original Thing That I Made amongst the reblogs of pretty pictures and punny paragraphs (alliterating - I'm probably trying too hard).

Coincidence or not, I sort of stopped using my DSLR after I came back from North America in August 2012 (the photos are up on this blog, but I might privatise the posts, new blogging era and all). Definitely saddening, but since then, I have focused more on pen/paint/paper arts than photography. A lot of this work is up here. And in the lead-up to reigniting (maybe - we'll see if I keep this up) my "proper blogging", I have reached the conclusion that I've hit a wall with my creativity. Maybe I have become more interested in certain genres of music, but with that, I have also hit a wall, and I'm finding myself disinterested in discovering and listening to new music, whether within the same genre or not.

Maybe I have kind of wasted two-ish years of my life comparing myself to other people and constantly doubting my creativity and I feel like I have become some sort of cliche. Maybe that is why I'm retreating from a few of the things I was really into; because I'm trying to find out what I really like, and what I am really like, without all the external influences, the desire for validation/approval from people I know. Or maybe I am just burnt out.

I need to stop thinking about the end product and Be more in the moment. Stop being so scared. Try something new. Persevere. So I guess that's the conclusion for this post which I more or less winged. I'll end with a quote that I saw on tumblr which really hit me when I first read it:

“I began to realize how important it was to be an enthusiast in life. He taught me that if you are interested in something, no matter what it is, go at it at full speed ahead. Embrace it with both arms, hug it, love it and above all become passionate about it. Lukewarm is no good. Hot is no good either. White hot and passionate is the only thing to be.”

― Roald Dahl, My Uncle Oswald